We ate at C’est Bon in Mermentau on Friday. Across the street from the building, we found a stray crawfish. First my sister’s boyfriend let him hang from his shirt pocket, but I put him in the grass on the way to the ditch to help the little guy out. I thought about that crawfish for a while, because I thought of what might have happened as he ventured towards freedom (and b/c that’s how my sick mind works). I thought it was pretty cool how that little crawfish escaped from the boiling pot. It inspired me to tell his story. Here it is.

  Tboy was just minding his own business when he noticed himself being lifted into the air. He didn’t see he was in a cage. He was just snacking on some treats with his mamma and little bro. What the fuck man? Meh, can’t a grown-crawfish enjoy a snack around here?

  Tboy was tossed into a dark pit with a bunch of his buddies, except they weren’t his buddies. See, when you’re stuck with a bunch of fellow crawfish in a pit, no one is your friend, sha. Not even your own momma. Let me tell you.

Tboy’s eyes were stepped on a more than just a few times. He also had a run-in with a bright red bully who tried to take his left claw. Lucky for him, he soon got lost in the shuffle with all the other crawfish.  He thought he caught a glimpse of his little bro, but he couldn’t be sure.

  Not long after that, he was tossed again, except this time he was much more cramped. Everybody was crawling on him, and there was no room to even breathe. What’s going on? He couldn’t even think. What was happening to him? Where’s his momma?

  After crawling over and over other crawfish for what felt like hours, he finally made it to the end... And all he got was a mouth full of plastic thread. Meh, what’s this? This can't be the end? He proceeded to crawl on the fabric, against the current on hard red bodies behind him. Maybe he could get to the end.

  Without a moment’s notice, Tboy felt himself getting tossed again. The current of the other crawfish was running alot faster against him now. He saw sunlight for the first time, in what felt like days!

  But he held on. Huh! They ain’t gonna get me again, he thought. But then the plastic fortress began to shake, and it shook so hard that he lost his grip. But as he was flying into what seemed like a steamy abyss, he happened to reach out his claw and clamped onto the edge of purple plastic at just the right angle as to swing himself away from the pot.

  Ahh yea- They can’t get me now, babe! Ha!

But they were sure gonna try. Tboy could see chubby man-hands searching the grass for him. But he was too smart for them. He hid right by the pot. Well yea, it was hot. But a crawfish got to do what a crawfish got to do to live.

  Tboy was a light brown color, so he blended right in with the grass in the dusk light. Lucky for him he did. It took him a good long while before he could make a dash for it. He thought about walking slow and steady away, but he knew the feet would get him. He saw what happened to the other crawfish that got out the pot. Either the hand or the feet got them, but either way- it was no good.

  So he just waited till they left, watching his fellow crawfish get caught by the men and getting all hot and teary. The sounds of his friends and family tapping tore at his heart. And it was hot- really hot standing next to that pot.

  As soon as the big feet left, he high-tailed it out of there. Tboy felt guilty for not landing in the pot, seeing as his whole life was in there. But he couldn’t let that slow him down. He had to get away. He would deal with his grief later.

  Tboy crawled as fast as he could away from the misty hell that called to him from the pot. His friends, his family- everything was lost. There would be no turning back now. He had to keep going.

  The sun was long gone by the time Tboy made it to the hard rock. The grass turned to rock for what seemed like forever, and Tboy didn’t know if he could make it. He was so tired, and his heart was aching from the thought of what happened to his family. How did this happen? What did we do so wrong to deserve this?! I hate men! They did this to me!!

  Tboy was all reeled up when he attempted to cross the giant flat stone. It was like rocks had been melted together. Tboy had never seen a rock that big.

  He turned and saw two giant lights coming right at him. And a rumble… What a rumble! The rock beneath him started shaking so bad that Tboy almost fell right over. Just then, what felt like a five-second hurricane blasted over him.

  HOLY SHIT! Tboy took off as fast as his little legs could carry him. He wasn’t about to get pie-yied by some lightning hurricane that sweeps over the giant rock. Not after all that he’d been through. He was gonna make it, damnit!

  Tboy got to the grass sooner than he thought. Ahhh, the cool soft grass felt good against his antennae. Would he ever make it back to his mud hole?  The tears started then, and he thought they would never stop.

  Tboy just kept on crawling, but he needed to find some water and critters soon. He was getting so tired. First the pit, then the bag, the pot,the feet, and then that hurricane… He was exhausted, but couldn’t imagine dying from starvation. Not after his day. He would make it for his momma and lil bro. Gosh, he missed them. He couldn’t bear to think what happened to them. He just kept thinking how he would live for them. That kept him going.

  So Tboy just kept crawling. He was pretty deep in the grass when he felt himself being picked up. Mais je mais. What they want with me now?

  But he was being lifted gently, not thrown. When he looked up, he could see a girl-man. She was laughing as she looked at him. Then a man took him and put him on his shirt. Tboy hung on to the pocket for as long as he could.

  What are they doing? What do they want from me?! They just want to toy with me, those shit heads! I hate them!

  Tboy lacked the energy to hold on for very long. He let himself fall. It was a long way down, and he landed hard. He was on the rock again.

  Meh I be damned!!! They took me back to the hurricane rock!

  The girl-man had him up in the air practically as soon as he landed. What now, bitch?!

  She walked him a long way, and he felt like he was flying. She carried him gently and now he was far from the hurricane rock. The girl-man covered ground a lot quicker than he ever could. It was nice to not walk for a while, just hang there. What could he do? He's just a crawfish.

  She laid him in the grass, and he could smell the water. She brought him near water! Oh yea, he’d be home soon, sha! He regained his energy and headed into the water tunnel, but not before looking back at the girl-man. She helped him in a way no man had ever done before. He would be forever in her debt.

  Tboy never made it home to his mud hole, but he did start a new home. The ditch he entered lead directly to a forest swamp where he built his new life. But he never forgot the day he escaped death and walked away from the boiling pot— and with the help of a man-girl, no less!

  Meh, if only his momma and lil bro could see him now. They’d be proud, yea.