The value of humor and anti-‘trollop' Halloween costumes
I wrote this for the newspaper I work for, Ottawa Delivered. This does belong to them, but as long as I say that it's there's, it's ok. I just thought it would be helpful to some of my friends that read my blog. Enjoy!
The sexy bumble bee, sexy plumber, sexy barbarian, sexy mental patient—it gets pretty ridiculous around Halloween. Especially since the definition of sexy in this case requires lots of cleavage and little to no skirt. Besides the obvious tongue-in-cheek, there is no real humor or creativity in these ridiculous female-targeted getups.
A guy can where a bright orange shirt and track pants, lie on the ground and claim to be a speed bump. It’s creative and freakin’ hilarious. But if a woman tries to do that, the perception is “What’s wrong with you?”
That’s why it’s most important as a woman to balance humor and creativity with sex appeal. The idea is to be funny while still physically attractive, but not skanky.
Here are my top five anti-trollop costume ideas. I’ve come up with these on my own, stole from friends or while researching for this column. Unfortunately, I haven’t tried these out personally, but they’re on my list of things to wear for future Halloweens.
1. Hot dog: I’m most proud of this one, because it’s 100-
percent me. Basically, dress really sexy—not slutty—and put on a dog mask. I have a mask that only covers part of my face, with attached ears. Use a name tag for the slow people at the party, so you don’t have to repeat “I’m a hot dog” 100 times.2. Roller Derby Girl: In honor of the new Illinois Valley Vixens Roller Derby League, breakout those Barbie roller skates, put on fishnet tights and a cut-up T-shirt. Use make-up to create bruises, a black eye and black-out teeth just for fun.
3. Big Alice: You could use the “sexy Alice” costume or find a nice blue dress with a black ribbon. Get a cardboard box to draw a house on and cut head and arm holes in the box. Put it over your Alice costume, but be sure the box is big enough to get in and out of comfortably since you most likely won’t wear it all night. Don’t forget a cupcake that says “Eat Me.” You’ll be sure to get a good laugh and even better pictures.
4. Superhero: Find a really stretchy child-size superhero costumes at Wal-Mart, cut the costumes neck and head part off and then manipulated the top to create a halter. Put on the mask and karate-chop the villains in the room.5. Trophy wife: The dress is entirely up to you. But the main idea is to have big hair, lots of makeup, jewelry and a martini glass. Then smile really big in all photos, photo-crashing as much as you can. Incorporating a trophy is entirely up to you.
To the anti-slutty Halloween dressers, I hope this helps. May we cherish our brains and sense of humor by not exploiting our bodies this Halloween, because we’re cooler than that.
***Photos stolen from Google and my friend's FB profile
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